Prepare Okra: Wash okra thoroughly and dry completely with a cloth to remove all moisture. Cut both ends of the okra and slice into halves or rounds as preferred.
Coat Okra with Spices: In a bowl, add okra with Kashmiri red chili powder (1/2 tsp), turmeric powder (1/4 tsp), salt (1/2 tsp), and gram flour (2 tsp). Mix well to coat the okra evenly. Let it sit covered for 5-7 minutes.
Fry Okra: Heat 1 teaspoon mustard oil in a pan. Fry the spiced okra for 4-5 minutes until moisture evaporates and spices coat well. Remove okra from pan and set aside.
Cook Onions: In the same pan, add 2 teaspoons mustard oil. Add one large onion cut into thick pieces and fry for about 1 minute. Remove and set aside.
Cook Remaining Onions, Chilies, and Tomatoes: Add the finely chopped two onions to the pan and fry for 3-4 minutes without browning. Add chopped green chilies and chopped tomatoes. Cook until tomatoes release oil and soften.
Prepare Spiced Yogurt Mixture: In a bowl, mix fresh yogurt with red chili powder (1/2 tsp), turmeric powder (1/4 tsp), hot spices (1/2 tsp), and coriander powder (1/2 tsp).
Cook Yogurt Mixture: Add the spiced yogurt to the pan with tomatoes and onions. Stir continuously over medium heat to prevent curd from bursting. Do not add salt yet. Cook for 3-4 minutes until oil separates on top.
Add Salt and Okra: Add salt (about 1/4 teaspoon) to the yogurt mixture. Then add the fried okra and one chopped tomato. Mix well and cover. Cook on medium heat for 7-8 minutes, stirring every 2-3 minutes.
Add Fried Onion and Finish Cooking: Add the fried thick onion pieces to the cooked okra mixture. Do not cover the pan. Cook uncovered for a few more minutes until oil separates and okra is fully cooked.
Serve: Once oil separates and okra texture is tender and flavorful, remove from heat. Serve hot with roti or paratha.